Ron/Rupert is scruffy! I love it!

But, again, I know Helena Bonham Carter was on the Shell Cottage set, does that mean that Dobby dies before Hermione is tortured? Does the Malfoy Manor torture scene take place? Any of it? I’m lost. I just want the film/s good. I really do.

I cried.

I’ve decided one day in Cardiff, Wales was not enough. I want to return one day. I just want to travel, dammit. Travel everywhere and anywhere. Or, well, almost. Sigh.

I keep trying to blog but I am having such a shitty weekend that I just keep breaking down and getting upset and frustrated with everything. I’ll summarize how I feel by saying I went out and bought this rice that I was really excited about and it was absolutely horrible. That’s the pattern of my weekend thus far. Have a nice day.

If you want substance, read the post below. But I feel obligated to write down what I need to do. I am a compulsive list maker. I list everything ever. Always have. So here we go.

- History CBA. Finish rough draft, revise, final.

- Work on Bracknell.

- Stuff for Cinco de Mayo tomorrow.

- Spanish culture projects.

- Running start exam – Friday.  

- World Lit Paper 1 topic.

- Math homework.

So I received this @reply on twitter today:

“Stop cursing! You’re sposed to be adorable!”

And it pissed me off. I swear, yes. Probably too much, yes. I can twitter whatever I want. I twitter the way I speak. I don’t put on some false persona for the internet. I don’t swear in videos because I have a younger audience and to actually hear cursing in a video is more vulgar than reading it, in my opinion. Plus, I don’t have reason to. I swear in moments that I feel upset or angry, which I usually cool off form before ever doing a video.

But what REALLY set me off was the second part of this comment. I am suppose to be adorable? No. I am not. I am suppose to be who I am. If you think I’m adorable, fine. But I hate being called cute and adorable, to tell you the truth. I feel that both words, even though I use them myself occasionally, are incredibly over-used. I am not some pet bunny rabbit that just sits in it’s cage and looks cute. I am a human being. If you don’t find my personality adorable, so be it. I don’t need your approval, anyway. I am the way I am. I’m not SUPPOSE  to be anything. I choose to be the way I am. I loathe myself sometimes, but hey, it’s who I am. I’m not here to live up to your standards or anyone elses.

Ugh, the internet fucking sucks sometimes. I can take your hater comments but you tell me who to be, you’re getting an earful. (By the way, I get that this guy was probably joking or something, but I don’t care. It’s just…guh.)

 

I suppose it’s a good think that I have absolutely no money for anything ever. The reason being that I am a shopaholic. Like, legitimately. I just get into this zone when I feel like shopping and I get upset when I can’t by things. I reason with myself and tell myself I deserve things that I clearly don’t need. It’s unhealthy. Keep me out of stores. Please. Or give me money because I am one of those disgusting people who feels significantly better and less stressed after buying a pretty dress or a nice skirt + matching top. I don’t even want expensive clothing. I like items of clothing less than $10, but I don’t even have that kind of money anymore. 

People are losing their SHIT over the swine flu. I think they’re closing off the Mexican border. MY GRANDMOTHER IS DOWN THERE, DAMMIT. GIVE HER BACK. :( More people die of the regular flu every single day than this has killed since it broke out. Cool it, already. *isbitterandwantshergrammy* :(

Glad so many people understood what I meant last post. :)

Now, what should I be doing? A group Spanish video project. But nooo, my group is flaky and impossible and stupid. It’s due tomorrow and we haven’t done it. Fuck. I HATE depending on other people for grades. It isn’t fair. I work for my grades and I would do this project by myself, if need be. But I can’t, because it’s a multiple person skit. I just, uhg, it’s so frustrating to me. I had an A in Spanish and then we did this huge partner assignment and my partner FAILED MISERABLY at her half, so we got like a C on it. Which brought MY grade down. Even though I worked really hard and did really well on my portion. That should not happen! It’s hard enough for me to do well in school without depending on other people. Gaaaah. Oh great, now a girl in my group is bitching to me about why we couldn’t do it. IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT ANOTHER PERSON IN THE GROUP HAD TO WORK. GO BITCH AT HIM. Fuck.

So, what am I doing? Listening to Disneyland music, looking at clothes I can’t buy even though they’re cheap, writing in my brothers birthday card (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANDREW!), getting bitchy text messages and responding with passive aggressive ones, occasionally reading a book to surprise Denis with and looking up things I want to show Denis in Disneyland.

It’s relaxing, but I can’t help but feel like I should be doing something school related. Sigh. I just need summer. I can’t take this anymore. 

Does anyone else have people that they just genuinely interested in? Like, not in a romantic or sexual way. But people who just care about, friends even, or maybe people you sort of know but not really…I dunno. I have three or four people who I just like to hear from in some form. Not in a stalkerish way at all, I just want to know what is going on in their lives. It’s weird. Sometimes I’ll just like, watch a video made by them and be like “yeah, I really like her/him,” then move on with my day. Just little like, check-ups on them. Is that weird? I’m describing it oddly. But yeah, I was just thinking about that. Haha. Wow, this was probably creeper status. Whatever, nevermind! xD